Time Flies

When Time Flies

Adapting our 'mothering' to our kids' growth...

by momtoteens

As our kids age, many of us moms feel like the years start moving faster. We get this vague, restless feeling that our children's childhoods are slipping through our fingers, and we may start to wonder if we need to change something in our lives before it's all gone. Well, maybe so. But then again, maybe we just need to change our expectations of what 'mothering' means as our children grow.

When our kids are little, they need us so much...our hands are on them constantly...holding, soothing, cleaning, feeding, moving them from one room to the next, etc. As they age, they not only get more independent psychologically, but physically as well. I think this is a surprise to most moms, perhaps a welcome one in that it frees us up more, but quite startling in a very primal, physical way. Our children simply don't require as much hands-on stuff from us, and it can leave a mom feeling quite empty and sad. Plus, it changes the way that the passage of time feels to us.

Just wait till they're 17, like my oldest! It's amazing how little I do for him in the way of physical maintenance. Well, recently he ended up in the ER with something stuck in his eye from his outdoor summer job.

It all turned out well...the doctor removed the tiny foreign object, gave him medicine to prevent infection, and checked for scratches (none, thank goodness). The next morning, he told me it felt much better, and sure enough, it looked much better. But I snuggled him, got kind of whiney, and told him I wanted him to maybe pretend he still needed my 'babying' for awhile. I told him it felt good to baby him the night before...asking if he wanted a kleenex for his runny eye, whether he needed a drink of water, checking his eye to see if it was getting redder, etc. He laughed and said he'd let me baby him as if he were sick, even though he felt so much better. He rolled his eyes at me, but loved it as much as I did!

I think it's hard to accept the passage of time as children age...it really does seem to fly, because our direct involvement is lessened. The good news is that it's satisfying to see them moving in an independent direction, which is appropriate and healthy, and also it does feel good to have more personal freedom. Now, instead of fretting about diapers and nap schedules, I can really completely relax and drink in my time with the kids. I can take them out to eat, my son drives us there, and I enjoy their great company and conversation. I can also start pursuing my own interests again....

We can look at this new phase in our mothering as a wonderful time of observing who our kids are becoming as 'real people' of their own. We can accept the challenge of figuring out what kind of mothering they need from us at each developmental stage from here on. It will change often, and we can pride ourselves on adapting to the appropriate mothering style needed at each point. And maybe, every once in awhile, they'll let us rock them and talk baby talk to them...even when their arms and legs are sprawling out way beyond ours in the rocking chair!

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